I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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