dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm passing your future prison.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
