I hope mine doesn't look like that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
