Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
