you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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