I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
