Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
