There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
