You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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