Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
