if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
