I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
