I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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