Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
