i love accidental penises.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
