no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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