Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
