You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you will always have a special place in my vag
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
