and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
