remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
