He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
