Tell her she can't have a vagina
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
