Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize