Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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