I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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