This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
