also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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