I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
