Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
