see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize