Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
