I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize