her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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