we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
