He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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