How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
