i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
