If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
