thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
