I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
