You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
