I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
