Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
