On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
