I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
