...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
