You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
