His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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