come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
