apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize