Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
