i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
