i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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