its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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