Apparently you make a good broom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
