I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
