I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
