I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
