i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
