I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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