break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
