So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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