There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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