I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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