8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize