Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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