Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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