she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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