At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
nutella sex= disaster
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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