She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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