i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
