Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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