a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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