Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
